I'm not Neurotic. I'm just a Woman.

I will be the first to say it

2011-08-08T16:20:00.000-04:00

I can be so dramatic!

If you really can't live without...

2010-06-29T15:35:00.002-04:00

although I know you all absolutely can... but if you want to continue to keep up with the not neurotic, woman that loves to strut in cool choos feel free to follow me on twitter. choochick tweets

The End

2010-06-29T15:30:00.002-04:00

Hello fellow bloggers and readers alike. I want to let you all know that I will no longer be blogging. Yes, I know how sad, I have a little tear coming down my face right now.. well not exactly but you get it.

Truth is I have a big project that I am working on and it is taking up lots of my time (if it all works out - this could be HUGE) so I really can't devote any time to blogging anymore and as you know lately I haven't been consistent anyway. So, I think it is all for the best to say TTFN - ta ta for now.

Stay strong, positive and fierce blogosphere buds. love you all.

xo

Day one - the easy part of the cleanse

2010-06-21T14:13:00.005-04:00

Goodbye to this wonderful strawberry lemonade from kitchenette - I know there must be like 30 grams of sugar in one of those. Okay I'm getting a little sad now.

This is easy part, mostly because what I do on day one is get myself organized and mentally ready to make some serious changes. So, a little planning and organizing today can have a big impact on the days to come.

Okay so I am supposed to cut a few things from the diet, like dairy, red meat, sugar, processed foods, you get it. But as I am doing this gradually this week I cut all processed foods, sugar and red meat. That should be easy enough because the only processed foods I eat are chips - love BBQ flavored dirrrty chips - I haven't even had them in quite some time. So goodbye dirrty.. goodbye blue chips, goodbye sugar in the raw, goodbye side of bacon with that. Oh goodbye.

So week one, food plan, all healthy, all white meat, all light and sweet without the sugar. Damn, my lover coffee is going to get cut soon... that is making me a little sad. I definitely need caffeine since I know those dreadful caffeine headaches will but a major damper on my day - so I will be drinking iced green tea (yes without sugar) like it's my new found friend. Oh wow - let me not even think about it too much.

Oh wow it's 3pm - I haven't done anything today. Lazy.

cleanliness is next to godliness

2010-06-20T17:03:00.004-04:00

Oh where I have been? Busy. Lost in the shuffle. Simply too tied up with life to stop and write about it. But here I am on media and technology free sundays (which by the way have been unsuccessful but worth a try) writing about the latest and greatest.

I need to recharge my battery - reset my energy - It's that middle of the year mark when hitting reset will give me the vitality to keep going strong. How will I do that... with a blueprint cleanse and maybe a few colonics. ehhh TMI

Lately I have been going out quite a bit, working several nights a week, eating out everyday and oversleeping whenever possible. And since I have been quite the social bee lately drinking vodka and sometimes patron shots is a big part of the night. Oh too much for the Choo... It is time to shift gears and start paying a little more attention to eating better, drinking less and sweating it out at good ol' club nox (equinox).

So I want to share with you fellow bloggers and readers my 30 days into cleanliness. A toxic free body - well almost. I mean could it ever be toxic free living in NYC? the air quality? I mean - really?

So starting this week I am going to jump start my raw food cleanse. Sounds like fun huh. Well, anything new is fun in the beginning - right. So on this lovely Sunday, I am going to finally fill my fridge and fruit bowl with nothing but pure wholesome goodies. I am also going to clean the somewhat messy apartment. I am going to consume my last cup of coffee - oh gosh! I don't know if I can completely give it up this is going to be the true test - cause Choo loves her cup a joe. But I must give it up for the cleanse. Oh good ol' cleanse - I will be cursing you later.

Leave it to me to pick the the end of the month to start something like this. It's me deal with it.

xoxo
C

friday flyness

2010-06-11T06:30:00.001-04:00

nurse jackie by choochick featuring Oasis tops

friday flyness

2010-06-04T06:30:00.000-04:00

the girlfriend experience by choochick featuring Rebecca Minkoff bags

Inspired by the film The Girlfriend Experience

fashion fix - weekend looks

2010-06-03T04:55:00.002-04:00

dress by choochick featuring Chanel jewelry

the weekend edition - Long Island City

2010-05-28T11:16:00.009-04:00

Long Island City is a great neighborhood, I had the pleasure of living there several years ago before I became the luckiest girl in the world and moved to fancy TriBeca. Anyhow, I can't complain, I've had the pleasure of living in some great neighborhoods. While LIC may not have a manhattan zip code but it definitely has a great vibe, a blend of Brooklyn cool and Manhattan artsy. It has even been said that LIC is the new Manhattan, since New York City has become so sterile.

My mom still lives in here and anytime I go visit during the summer months I take advantage of all LIC has to offer. So, this is merely the first weekend edition in LIC.

Where to relax:

Gantry Plaza State Park
The great greenery, striking views of manhattan's sky scrapers and comfy hammocks (when one becomes available you better grab it) there is no better place to kick back and forget about the hectic week.

Where to get lunch:

The grilled fish burrito is so good - but I have to share it with someone. I need a cold one with that.
The Creek and the Cave
10-93 Jackson Ave
Long Island City, NY 11101
718.706.8783

Where to party and see art:

PS 1 Contemporary
4601 21st Street, Long Island City
718.433.4807

This Saturday
June 5: Performances by Maria Petschnig, Amy Yao, and Darren Bader
Date: June 05, 2010
Time: 3:00 PM to 5:00 PM
In conjunction with the Greater New York, a series of weekend performances will take place throughout the building for the run of the exhibition, on view through October 18.
Warm up

What to read:

Man on Wire
By Philippe Petit
This is an exhilarating ride into the planning of Philippe Petit's high-wire walk between the Twin Towers of New York's World Trace Center. Accomplished in August of 1974 the performance lasted for almost an hour and Petit was later arrested. The book was originally released as To Reach the Clouds. After the documentary film was released with the title that was taken from the actual police reports "man on wire" the book was recently released in paperback with the new title - Man on Wire.

Enjoy!
You can get your copy here

Where to dine:

Manetta's Ristorante
1076 Jackson Avenue
Long Island City, NY 11101
718.786.6171
I'm definitely getting the sea food pasta and a nice chilled glass of white. Then off to work. Damn!
This is what the snobs say

the weekend edition - Below Canal Street

2010-05-28T09:31:00.014-04:00

The Weekend Edition is a mini guide that will make any weekend just perfect. I will focus on certain areas/neighborhood of New York and will suggest things to buy, eat, drink, etc. I will also cover places where one can relax, party, dine, as well as what to watch, read and wear. Taking place only in New York the great!

Memorial Day Weekend and I have to work, that doesn't mean I won't be getting my relaxation and party on.

What to buy:

MAC To The Beach Bronze Body Oil

What better way to show off that sun kissed skin than with a little shimmer oil from MAC Cosmetics. This luxurious oil soothes, moisturizes and makes your skin shine. It is limited edition so get your bottle now before you are left in the dark with unattractive matte skin.

Where to brunch:

Tribeca Grand Hotel, 2 Sixth Ave at Church St
212-519-6677 - Reservations are suggested. Brunch
Films

Tribeca Grand still has one of the best brunch deals around an all you can eat swanky buffet offering up jumbo shrimp, potato pancakes, waffles and mini quiches for only, brace yourself, $35. The best part of it all is that if you RSVP to see one of the three films they screen on Sundays, you can actually have brunch and a movie. They even offer complimentary popcorn. Sweet!

What to read:

The Price: My Rise and Fall as Natalia NY's #1 Escort
by Natalie McLennan

I remember when the story of Natalia broke it was about five years ago. I was so into the juicy details of this high paid escort that charged $2000 an hour. She made the cover of New York Magazine, and all the sensationalized papers such as the daily news and the post. Here was this actress from Canada living in the big city and diving into the dark world of high paid escorting and drugs of course. Glamorous and sad all at once but juicy nonetheless and now the book - it was published in 2008 but I just recently read about it somewhere. So, I will be reading this cautionary tale over the long weekend, after I pick up my copy which is being held at BN.

Intrigued? Read more here OR just buy your copy here

Where to Relax:

The greenery in Batter Park is divine. Throw a blanket and sink into Natalia's world for a while. This is where I will be this Sunday. Stalkers welcome.

Where to be a total beach bum:

Who said city dwellers don't have great beaches? Well, I may not be in Barcelona but this is my perfect beach and it is only fifteen minutes away from my apartment. The water taxi beach comes to Manhattan @ the south street sea port - wIth the sun beaming, music playing and an oyster bar one really has it all in NY.

Water Taxi Beach

Where to dine:

Viet Cafe
345 Greenwich Street
New York, NY 10013-2840
(212) 431-5888

My favorite Vietnamese restaurant Viet Cafe. The food is fresh and so yummy, and the cocktails are so refreshing. The bill well, they are a little pricy. So worth it though.

it's not like Bill Maher needs a plug but hey...

2010-05-28T08:19:00.005-04:00

Ep. 185: May 21, 2010 Clip - Modern Lying

My brother has been a devoted viewer of the HBO program Real Time with Bill Maher. He's always telling me how good it is and how I should be tuning in also. I never really watch late night talk shows except for Chelsea Lately so I didn't feel the need to watch good ol' Maher until I saw Religulous.

Religulous is a documentary about religion done a-la-Maher, funny as hell. That is when I became an instant fan. If you haven't seen religuluos see it. For those overly religious folks don't get offended or angry go into it as you should most things, with an open mind and an open heart. You may in turn start asking the same questions he does.

Bill Maher is LIVE on HBO fridays at 10:00pm - too bad I work during those hours, but thanks to Time Warner for ON Demand.

princess sleeps

2010-05-28T08:11:00.003-04:00

YAY! School is finally over. This week is the first week I am off and it feels great. I worked my little buns off and got all A's! Now I can get my Holly Golightly look together for some much needed over sleeping.

sleepy head by choochick featuring Matters of Leisure robes

fashion fix - weekend looks

2010-05-14T18:08:00.001-04:00

city block by choochick featuring Emilio Pucci swimwear

My Favorite Things - Sound of Music

2010-05-13T10:00:00.001-04:00

film talk

2010-05-12T16:39:00.001-04:00

Film talk will return with the Summer Sequel - stay tuned. xo

If you don't like my natural body you can keep it movin'

2010-05-12T15:51:00.005-04:00

It isn't hard to see how there can be people that are so dangerously obsessed with perfection they are willing to risk their lives to attain their idea of it. As far as I'm concerned "perfection" is unattainable - in life, in self, in the world. There may be things that feel perfect and we all know that’s relative, but actual perfection is an idea, a thought that can play dirty little tricks on the mind.

One very sad case I’d like to point out is Heidi Montag - This girl (pre surgery) in my opinion was very pretty; great face, figure, pretty flowing platinum locks - I think most would find it hard to debate that she was pleasing to look at. But now, after the many hours it took to transform her into her idea of a perfect 10, she looks more like a perfect robot. And for what? Why?
Well, the reality star claims that...

"I was made fun of when I was younger, and so I had insecurities, especially after I moved to L.A. People said I had a "Jay Leno chin"; they'd circle it on blogs and say nasty things. It bothered me. And when I watched myself on The Hills, my ears would be sticking out likle Dumbo! I just wanted to feel more confident and look in the mirror and be like, "Whoa! That's me!" I was an ugly duckling before". - Heidi Montag

If Montag's response to the insults of everyone else was to go under the knife and change her already beautiful exterior into one that really isn't beautiful at all then Heidi Montag is the perfect example of a quote I heard yesterday (in English class) gone wrong - As music boy read an excerpt from his essay he mentioned that Bill Cosby once said "I don't know the key to success, I know the key to failure and it's trying to please everyone". The professor then mentioned that Audrey Hepburn said the same thing. I couldn't agree more, trying to please everyone is a direct path into failure, simply because it isn't possible. How can everyone be pleased with "you" - your persona, your beliefs - your anything. Impossible.

In this world, in this life the one person you should really be trying to please is yourself. Regardless of how others see you - you should really build a sound relationship with yourself. Because ultimately it is you who will be carrying yourself around - so start pleasing the one person that will always be there unconditionally and no matter what - YOU. I think that once you are content with yourself everything else will fall into place - but remember you can't please everyone and why would you want to - it is the differences in life that help us see the big picture.

life is great - the weather will catch up someday

2010-05-12T00:53:00.007-04:00

This is no Spring weather. Why is it so damn cold? and where is the sun, does it need an invitation to come out these days? Well, as it hasn't been a perfect Spring thus far - in terms of weather, I can't say the same for life. Ah yes, life has been challenging and in some respect even perfect. Juggling school and work has been pretty challenging, especially when work requires you to say up way into the wee hours and school requires you to be there (not just in body - but in mind) in the early hours of the day. This challenging balancing act has left the little choo quite tired, and we all know, any sleep deprived chick-a-poo is cranky and easily irritated.

Despite of it all I've managed quite nicely. I read all the materials, researched my topics, wrote all those darling little essays and handed them in on time. As far as work, made it there on time, energetic and in some cases happy to be there. And the result - passed all my quizzes, got A's on all my papers and assignments. And that is what I referred to as being perfect in some respect. You see it was all incredibly hard but I did it. I didn't allow for anything to throw me off balance, total rock star status. It feels so good to work hard, and to know that the great reward, doesn't come packaged in some perfect little box full of goodies. It isn't someone tapping you on the back and telling you "wow - good job" - those things I don't need at all. It is me - me feeling completely satisfied that I didn't crumble. That I continue to fight despite how tough the battle gets. And that is what life is all about. Being able to stay focused on the things you want to accomplish and if you lose your equilibrium make sure you pick yourself up again because the battle is never over - not even when you make it to the top. No, when you make it there you are still required to to work hard in order to stay there.

friday flyness

2010-04-30T14:45:00.000-04:00

summer chic by choochick featuring Ann Taylor

did you just flush my retainer down the toilet?

2010-04-30T14:00:00.006-04:00

Oh NO! The funniest thing happened last Sunday, well, not really that funny now that I think about it. I was at my mama's house and my stomach started growling so hard when I realized there was some leftover sancocho (some kind of ridiculously good dominican stew) sitting in a pot. I then eagerly served myself a bowl. I was wearing my retainers since I forgot to pop them in last night - so I took those babies off and wrapped them in some papertowel and put it in my cardigan's pocket. I ate and my stomach was happy. I relaxed on media fast day and tried so hard not to use my cell or the internet. But I managed since all I did was watch movies with my younger bro. When the clock hit 11:00pm I suddenly remembered how dreadful those Sunday night subway rides are and how it would definitely be even more dreadful tonight since it had been raining all day.

When I got downstairs and opened my umbrella I suddenly remembered my retainers had been off for hours. I dug into my purse. It's wasn't there. I then rang the bell and was buzzed in again - that is when the search began. I dug through gross garbage - nothing. I unraveled all the paper towels I saw, but there was no retainer to be found. Where did it go? I remembered putting in my cardigan's pocket, I remember thinking it must have fallen out, what exactly happened? I couldn't grasp it. I remember thinking that my mom's cat might have taken it. I though let me call my other brother and ask if maybe he had seen it before he left. Total detective work. Well, it turns out that he didn't see it. What he saw was a paper towel on the bathroom floor which he flushed down the toilet.

So yes that was the paper towel that my retainer was wrapped in and it was far away from me now. I was completely devastated, since I now have to go get another one! I spent hours on the internet that night, or early morning when I got home. It was Goggle search after Google search, I learned that yes my teeth will shift, or they may not, it all depends. I put my thoughts to rest and when I woke up later that morning I made an appointment with the orthodontist, the next available was for this Monday coming up. I panicked! I wasn't going to wear a retainer for over a week! I haven't even had my braces off for a year. And well knowing my weak ass teeth yes they will shift. It is Friday now and I do see a slight shift in one of the teeth it isn't major so I guess since it is only a matter of days not months then the damage won't be that bad.

Does anyone know where I can buy some cool retainer cases?

tell me what you like

2010-04-27T19:48:00.000-04:00

Really.
formspring

fashion fix - weekend looks

2010-04-24T01:13:00.000-04:00

sunday brunch by choochick featuring Rebecca Minkoff bags

film talk

2010-04-22T14:54:00.001-04:00

film talk will be place on hold for the next two weeks.
Returning with Documentaries.

what's in a choo?

2010-04-21T13:55:00.006-04:00

What is it about shoes that make us girls melt? Why is it that we go to extreme measures to strut around in those little status symbols? Well, shoes are pretty little things that cover our feet. But it is when wearing powerful shoes (perfectly crafted works of art) that we feel we can accomplish anything with resounding assurance. Those perfect little shoes can successfully take us through work meetings and social events seamlessly.

Although they serve a very practical service; protecting our soles from the concrete jungle in which it walks. They also serve us women in telling the world we take ourselves serious enough to invest in a killer pair of heels, so that we can indirectly tell the sharks, we mean business.

This is an introduction to several stories that I want to share with you all about shoes. I will revisit my past to try to better understand how shoes have played a significant part in the development of choochick.

Stay tuned as I discover what exactly is in a Choo.

friday flyness

2010-04-16T09:00:00.001-04:00

I saw your ad on Craig's list by choochick featuring Marc by Marc Jacobs tops

Inspired by the the HBO series Bored to Death

TriBeCa at night

2010-04-15T17:10:00.007-04:00

Nightlife in the Becs has always been pretty non-existant. But, as Smith and Mills set it off then came 77 Warren, Ward III and now Terroir, nightlife is really starting to look up.

more to come

fashion fix

2010-04-15T16:13:00.003-04:00

weekender by choochick featuring Tory Burch shoes

film talk

2010-04-15T15:41:00.004-04:00

American Psycho - 2000 Mary Harron

Oh, Patrick Bateman, the first time I fell in love with a psychotic character. On paper, Bateman would be the perfect man, young, rich, successful, educated, and very well groomed. In real life with his moody rants about 80's top forties and daydreams of killing vulnerable women, not so much.

American psycho is based on the novel American Psycho by Bret Easton Ellis - whom writes so flawlessly about a world many can't relate to but may very well be curious enough to explore. In the film Bateman played by Christian Bale is a successful banker on Wall Street. With an insatiable thirst for playing just as hard as he works. He hangs out at exclusive places, takes very good care of his body and skin and treats women like disposable kitchen rags.

For some reason, unable to put my finger on it, I was so drawn in. It isn't perfectly clear wether the graphic killing scenes are mere psychotic delusions or reality in Bateman's world. But with all that madness I still found him irresistible and no matter how much blood I saw I never lost that lusting taste for this American psycho.

so you think I'm mean?

2010-04-08T20:06:00.005-04:00

I was told that I have gotten mean. This comment was shared via a phone conversation with a person that I have actually never met in person. Someone I met online about a year and a half ago, that is a cousin of a friend. A fellow writer, a kind and tender soul. We share sporadic phone conversations which for the most part tend to be trivial at times but really comforting.

As the conversation unraveled I expressed that I really didn't have any room for the visit my dad was paying me today. I had an essay to write, a pile of laundry to take care of and some much needed rest considering how much I've been working within the last few days. She said, you've gotten so mean. Okay I admit I was acerbic in expressing my feelings. I may have even come across as curt. But, let's define mean
Mean 2
adjective
1 unwilling to give or share things, esp. money; not generous : she felt mean not giving a tip | they're not mean with the garlic.
2 unkind, spiteful, or unfair : it was very mean of me | she is always mean to my little brother.
• vicious or aggressive in behavior : the dogs were considered mean.

That is when I kind of went on a little rant and said, no, NOT mean. Honest, realistic and finally valuing my time is not mean. I am far too old to continue to live in idleness, every single drop of my time is calculated and consumed. Time is something we all take for granted at times. These days I can't afford to anymore. I know and recognize that and well, forgive me for feeling the way I do. But hey we can all use a good vocal opinion at times. Anyhow...

Let me give you a little insight on how my dad does things, he doesn't ask when would be a good time to visit, he simply invites himself over, and darling I am far from being a child. I feel this day in age he should perhaps understand that I too have space and privacy that should be respected. I juggle a lot and he knows that but when it comes to accommodating him, it's his terms or nothing. Fine, I have lived under this forever with him. And I swallow it whole, because if I ever express concern over it, he will get his feelings crushed and he will shut me out of his life as he has done before.

But I went ahead and welcomed him, we had some coffee and conversation. He then sat and read today's paper. I then started hand writing my essay in the living room and he kept on interrupting me with conversation. I gracefully handled it, besides I was brainstorming mostly so, I answered him, apologized for seeming standoffish and he said, it's okay, I'll be leaving soon.

We all have to coexist and I'll try to not be mean about it.
xo

film talk

2010-04-08T09:00:00.000-04:00

Repulsion - 1965 Roman Polanski

Since Shutter Island set it off then I am going to keep it psychological thrillers all month. ;-)
Roman Polanski's Repulsion is the first English film by him. Set in London, the story of a Belgian manicurist played by Catherine Deneuve, who seems to be withdrawn from all things living especially men. it was quite chilling and very engaging. Deneuve's beauty is simply breathtaking. Her absent feelings are captivating and her troubles make her so fragile. I was more curious than saddened by the silent and empty moments that filled the days of the character's life.

While watching I couldn't help but feel so much pity and anguish over the way the character's seemingly meaningless life goes from a string of trivial days to a deeply sinking psychotic state.

I won't spoil it for those that haven't seen it, but for those that have, How did this film make you feel?
Let's get this film talk going.

friday flyness

2010-04-02T15:26:00.003-04:00

paper denim and dollars by choochick featuring True Religion jeans

Inspired by How to Make it in America

in case you haven't noticed

2010-04-01T16:35:00.004-04:00

a film a week taste so sweet has taken new shape and purpose. I will now be doing "film talk" every thursday at 9am - I promise to try and stick with this one. ;-)
Basically, what it is, is basically...
on a monthly basis I will cover a genre or sub-genre. For April it is psychological thrillers. So every thursday I will feature a film (old or current) I've seen and discuss in brief how it made me feel (feelings mostly provoked by character development in the story). I encourage you in turn to comment on how it made you feel, or whatever comes to mind. And there you have it "film talk".

Let's start talking.

film talk

2010-04-01T15:58:00.004-04:00

Shutter Island - 2010 Martin Scorsese

I am a bit late with it, but hey...

The moment I saw the trailer I knew, this is a must watch. First off, Leonardo DiCaprio whom I adore is in it.
And it is Scorsese's latest work which seems have a different feel from his usual. Then again, Scorsese has
proven to be quite diverse in his filmmaking technique and style. A true auteur.

The films starts with a heavy dose of mystery, two detectives, Leonardo DiCaprio and Mark Ruffulo, on their way to "shutter Island" via boat. That's as much as I will spoil the plot for you. We are then taken on a ride that starts off one way and as the movie progresses the plot takes a major shift turning the story into something else entirely. Brilliant!

I loved this film. It left me feeling so invested in the character that I wanted to believe so bad in the character's delusion. I discussed the film in brief with some classmates, and one of them actually said, "I didn't like it". When asked why, he said "I felt the ending was weak, I think he didn't know how to end it and decided to just end it like that". I could't really get into it with this frail opinion... but since I am blogging about it. Why not?

First off, to make a comment like that - Scorsese not knowing how to end a film, a story? absurd. Second the story is derived from the novel by Dennis Lehane, titled the same. Perhaps this viewer wanted more? More of the story to be explained? I don't know.... I just know that Scorsese waved his magic wand and created a truly wonderful piece of work. One that I throughly enjoyed. And who knows... go and see it, tell me what you think... let's get this film talk going.

film talk - APRIL 2010

2010-04-01T15:45:00.001-04:00

Explores
Psychological Thrillers

books are media too

2010-04-01T14:41:00.002-04:00

Professor Brunn Reminds me.

fashion fix - weekend looks

2010-03-31T23:11:00.001-04:00

weekend look - 1 by choochick featuring Donna Karan bags

fashion fix - wedge wednesday

2010-03-31T20:30:00.005-04:00

wedge wednesday by choochick featuring TopShop shoes

all the things that matter

2010-03-31T20:29:00.000-04:00

and some of the things that don't.

Here You Go.

I can only welcome my own reality

2010-03-30T06:27:00.003-04:00

When reality isn't biting me in the ass, it's laughing in my face. And it's all good, really. Cause, reality, I love you! Yes, you keep me on my toes. You remind me how beautiful life really is. It can only beautiful with all the lies exposed, the full coverage make up all faded. It's great really, you allow for things to be seen how they are meant to be seen.

And to think, people want to escape you as if they are running from the plague. Not I reality, I welcome you - stay, get warm and cozy. But please stop laughing and biting me in the ass. I know what you are all about, and I love it. So, stop allowing your presence to be known in such manner.

fashion fix - latest obsession.

2010-02-15T09:30:00.004-05:00

Cali Cool shades.

I'm all about frugal fashion these days. Why spend $200 plus on shades? Well, I've done it and can't come up with a better reason than, I just had to have them. This time around until I truly start racking in the dough I will not trow money away just because.

These Knockaround shades priced between $7 - $14 are a pleasure to wear. A creation by Adam Moyer in San Diego, California. Get a pair or two or three at knockaround sure to brighten your spring, summer and fall.

my winter wonderland

2010-02-12T16:01:00.004-05:00

I finally reconnected with my dad. It was over a year since he and I shared thoughts. I guess a cold winter would mend a broken heart. He finally answered my call, and the feelings started pouring out. He visited me at my apartment for the first time since I moved out of what was once my parents home. Now it's where mom and the brothers live.

It was two weeks ago, he came over and we had wine, tapas, and talked. He fought the prostate cancer and was doing well. The lines around his eyes were deeply sad and in much need of some light. I told him how much I loved him and how mom did also. He shrugged and looked away, as if he was looking for the lost feelings outside the window. He stilled loved mom. I feel it, but so much damage was done. So many family secrets revealed. Emotions are messy and he never really knew how to deal with any of it. Running away was always his solution. I am glad that the running had slowed down. He was finally opening up to me, his daughter.

I can't blame anyone for all that has happened, days come and go and things always change. A lot of times not for the better, and sometimes not for the worst. He is in my life again and it makes me incredibly hopeful. It fills me with love and I know it does for him also.

My father like the lonely bird in the picture would rather run far away and cut all communication rather than open his mouth and allow for all those feelings that eat away at him flow out into the world. And that is the most difficult thing any human can endure.

validate your valentine

2010-02-12T15:44:00.005-05:00

Well, well...

This weekend is Valentine's Day. I don't celebrate it. Ever. I did when I was young and didn't marvel over the world's mysteries. Now that I am older and I'd like to think, mature enough to stand for what I believe. I just can't do anything with this day devoted to lovers. If I did it would make me feel like I am part of a freak show of falsely in love woman that need validation on VDay.

Yes, my little darlings wether in a relationship or not, I don't get into the whole VDay festivities. What a big deal it is to some. On the one hand it's a day like no other, you can say what you feel whenever. Why run off to buy silly gifts like chocolates and flowers? Oh I guess to tell that someone that you care. Right. It's quite entertaining to see the female population get all worked up about what their lovers will deliver.

On the other hand I would love to devour a box of Jacques Torres chocolates. Yes that would be good. Whatever, I say, sorry cupid this girl has buns of steel - so take your bow and arrow and point it somewhere else. That arrow will simply bounce off my...

welcome

2010-02-05T10:41:00.004-05:00

New readers where ever did you come from? Very nice to see you found me. It isn't a big mystery that I haven't been blogging in quite some time. I hate excuses, so dull, so unnecessary, so I will not bore you all with a list of lame excuses. I will simply pick up where I left off, as often in happens in life. We just have to keep on moving.

I am finally back in school after many years. The first week was an emotional overkill. I was excited, jittery, fearful, and uncertain. Now, I am gracefully easing into the academic system quite well. I am participating in class, excited about the many assignments I will be working on and so receptive to the many unknown things that I will soon become familiar with. It has been a successful couple of weeks.

Happiness surrounds me and I want to pass it along. So, dive into the fun that is to come. I know I will have stories to tell.

xoxo to all my readers old and new.

choochick

rock & roll

2009-11-07T17:39:00.000-05:00

rock & roll by choochick featuring Blumarine

six cookies a day will get you svelte

2009-11-06T17:09:00.016-05:00

You might have already heard of this new cookie diet fad that assures you'll shed pounds pronto. Dr. Siegal has formulated a diet that is truly easy to follow. You eat six cookies a day (average cost $8) along with a 500 calorie meal consisting of lean protein and veggies. Making it an average daily calorie intake of 1000. This is nothing new, Dr. Siegal has been treating weight-loss patients to this diet for well over thirty years in his private clinic. He has recently made it available to the general public through his site cookiediet.com.

The formula is pretty simple, there is no specific schedule to follow you have the freedom to eat the cookies when your stomach starts to growl. You are limited to six per day and you can only drink water. These cookies look pretty boring. I'm willing to bet they taste more like cardboard than a chocolate chip soft and chewy.

I can't say I fall prey to these diet fads. But even I am tempted to try it. Maybe I can finally lose the little pouch of fat relentlessly resting over my lower abdominal, that my personal trainer keeps telling me "it's all diet".

With this latest diet craze taking people by storm, the questions that pop to mind are simple, like, are you even getting all the nutrients you need on a cookie diet? What about all the vitamins that you get from following a well balanced diet? Or will I have enough energy throughout the day with such low calorie intake? Dr.'s are savvy because in addition to the cookies, I believe Dr. Siegal sell you a multi vitamin that you should take daily so that you don't miss out on vital minerals and nutrients. is that even enough?

Call me old fashioned, but I believe when it comes to a lean body it is a balanced pairing of exercise and eating healthy. A diet consisting of, lean proteins, complex carbs, and fresh fruits and veggies, and absolutely no processed or fast foods. Along with a mix of cardio and strength training. It is truly hard work. I have been living on this diet for years now, it took me a while to get there. Trust. But my weight has been kept under control. That doesn't go without saying that I go through my weak moments and eat a pizza or a burger from time to time. What I hate the most is the guilt that comes with eating those high in calories foods, that are so satisfying.

Truly, I don't really see the harm in trying the cookie diet if and only if - it's short term. As a tool to get your motor running. But what happens when you start the cookie diet, are successful at shedding those stubborn pounds and continue to rely on this cookie diet fad as a way of life? Ghee that was a long question. You can take a better look at a coverage by Good Morning America. Which reports the facts, and details of this long term devotee, how she lost it - weight wise - and in my opinion mentally.

Bottom line is, we all know weight loss is hard, and a pretty long road most hate to follow. But If you are struggling with it, as pretty much everyone else is. It wouldn't hurt to give this cookie thing a try. I say it has to better than diet pills or starving yourself. Right? Do it for a week, a month, whatever your goal is. But remember like all good things, it must come to an end. Hopefully after you are where you want to be, you can follow a healthy eating and living routine that will keep your new svelte self in check.

the world is an oyster

2009-11-04T19:30:00.005-05:00

You may not be able to swallow the world in one bite. But you can certainly eat this up without filing for bankruptcy. A Jimmy Choo and H&M collaboration couldn't have come at a better time. Affordable style, see I don't have to sell my soul for pretty things to cover my soles. I can actually have my shoe and strut around in it too. The line will not just include accessories that matter, but also a women and men's clothing line.

Available at 200 H&M stores on November 14th 2009 - ladies and gents get your SHOP on.

it may happen in 3's

2009-11-04T14:27:00.007-05:00

It may happen in 3's but right now 2 feels like a magic number.

You know, lately, well not even lately for the last couple of years the concentration in my life was to make things better. I told myself that my twenties were for making mistakes, and my thirties are for cleaning them up. So it seems to be the case as I am now thirty two, and two years into the big transformation.

Lifestyle changes happen gradually. For me it began with writing again as I was turning thirty I started to feel an urge to get all I was feeling on paper. I wrote and wrote. I went through a self taught phase and started learning about film making by watching as many films as possible, learning about the heavy hitters of the film world and exploring to get my questions answered. It was a great learning experience one that has helped my writing and my life. Then I decided it was about time I did something about the crowding in my teeth, so I got metal braces a treatment that was to last two years. All the while I made it my business to go the gym, eat well and live in serenity. Well most of the time.

I worked hard the last two years becoming a solid person and all. The one thing I've always wanted to make room for in my life was travel. I feel in love with Barcelona after watching so many Almodovar films, and decided that Sep. 2009 mom and I take a trip to the great city. Mom had gone through a bad split with my very unforgiving father, and she needed the trip more than I did. We went to Barcelona for a week, leaving us open to the possibilities of the world. Life as hard as it is at times, really seemed wonderful.

The last two years were pretty great, although it did require an abundance of hard work. The reward is always better than the effort. Now this is what I am left with. A deep appreciation for film and a desire to fill my time with more. I started this blog in order to continue to write, and share. Although, I write regularly I'm still working on setting a schedule. Going to the gym and eating very well has become second nature, that part doesn't feel like a big effort anymore. Of course I have my cheat moments which are scarce. I have straight teeth, although I am not fully done with the treatment, the top braces are off and my bottoms are still on. It was truly worth it.

Here is the thing, taking care of myself the way I never did has always been one of my greatest desires, and now that it has become a reality the door is wide open ready for more positive change. One of my biggest hang-ups has been the fact that I haven't stuck with school long enough to finish. My academic record looks pretty frightening, but I am the one with the power to change that. So, I have been readmitted to community college, starting in the spring of 2010 - I will be working hard to get my degree.

A zen home is the start to a sound mind. Thinking back now, shouldn't I have started with the home? Well, not really I had to start with myself, taking life seriously. My act has cleaned up in a major way, I am not an irresponsible choo chick anymore, I am living like an adult. An adult that is now feeling the urgency of making her home a wonderful place for her to spend her life in.

Choochick is a blog about me, my life, and the things I love. a-la-mode-home is my latest creation. A blog about the home makeover that will be happening in the next several weeks and I will be doing it all on my own. Magical, It happens in two's.

a film a week taste so sweet - 021

2009-11-03T03:02:00.006-05:00

35 Shots of Rum - 2009
Claire Denis

What can I say about Claire Denis? That I absolutely adore her work, that she is a woman after my own heart, that through her films not only have I felt the profound complexities of the human condition but I have also savored life. So it was only a natural reaction to run to Film Forum when her latest film 35 shots of rum premiered.

I stay updated with FF weekly emails and upon reading about 35 shots, I knew that it was a treat grander than life (feel free to call me a cinephile), that I got on what was starting to feel like a pretty dull day. Denis’ last film since 35 Shots was L’intrus, which premiered in 2004. I enjoyed it thoroughly although it was a netflix joint I saw on my TV, as I have seen all her other films, on a tv. Having the incredible opportunity to actually go see one of her films in the theater for the very first time meant the world to me.

The film was a soft song that was as equally painfully as it was beautiful. I cried during several of the sequences, because I was overwhelmed with emotions, the characters not letting go of all the sorrow they were nursing, but releasing it through their very eyes at their most vulnerable moments. Yes the tears were flowing. It's the thing of life without the noise, with hopes in the sky and on the ground depending on the day.

35 shots of run the best film I've seen all year. I only have one question, why were there six people in the theater that night, including myself? A clear indication that the world is so lost.

spring break is over baby

2009-11-02T17:00:00.002-05:00

I went on a blogging hiatus. Didn't I? I will continue, no need looking back, a film a week is back baby, I feel I have an opinion again. Fashion my love, is back again. Yes. My random rants and raves, you know that never left. So, keep up with choochick, since reading enough will probably help you understand that I am not neurotic, just a woman.
love

day & night

2009-11-01T17:21:00.001-05:00

day&night by choochick featuring Burberry

town & country

2009-11-01T17:19:00.001-05:00

county/city living by choochick featuring Anya Hindmarch bags

in my heart

2009-11-01T17:00:00.004-05:00

and only in my heart. When I was introduced to blogging, I fell instantly in love with Hank Mohaski's blog,
hot-poop.blogspot.com - In my opinion the best blog on blogger, but then again, I haven't read many blogs on blogger, but his really stuck out, amazing. From a man's mind to a blog, with a music bonus.

I haven't read it lately and I just did, gosh how could I let so much time go by since picking it up again? And why is Hank not writing for rolling stone? or have like five books published? I LOVE YOU HOT POOP and it's all hot poop these days.

you've been warned

2009-11-01T16:49:00.002-05:00

Never discuss the projects you have baking in the oven. NEVER I SAY! I learned the hard way. When people ask, what is your novel about? What is your screenplay about? Tell them I'm not ready to discuss. TRUST ME. Call me superstitious, but as soon as I started telling people what my screenplay was about, was as soon as I stopped working on it. I hit a dry spell, the story is undernourished, unfinished. DON'T ASK, DON'T TELL, DO ASK, STILL NOT TELLING.

ladies contain yourselves

2009-09-30T19:15:00.002-04:00

There is enough room for the both of you in my apartment. So why not on blogspot?

I started choochick with no clue as to where, what, why, and then it took turns and such. I have to say, if you even think that claud is supposed to pick up where choo left off, well, no. I don't even know why I started another blog. So like me to start something new the minute I get bored with something old. But here is the deal. I found a happy medium for the both to coexist in this blogosphere.

Choo is the not neurotic, just a woman. I will tell you the whole choo story someday. When I feel inclined to spill my guts and serve them sunny side up with a side of bacon. Choo is kind of on the back burner, because well, I simply don't live like her anymore. Choo is a younger version of me, painting the town in puking pink while she carelessly makes mistakes that she never once considered would bite her hard in the ... yes, don't make me type it.

Then adulthood tapped me on the shoulders and said when are you going to start living me? That is when I knew, if I ever wanted to really be a choochick worth any salt, I had to be Claud. All very confusing, imagine what my head feels like. A mind twister. Anyhow, I guess a telling of the past is well in order... so perhaps I will keep choo alive long enough to tell her story.

God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference.

justclaud maybe but choochick is no. 1

2009-09-19T12:43:00.005-04:00

Perplexed as ever, because that is how I know how to live. I feel an update is in order...

I will continue to blog, my sporadic entries, no real direction because even life after constant planning doesn’t guarantee it. I will do what I love, always, tenderly, write about what I feel, see, want, need, experience, what makes me bleed, makes me scared, makes me reach. I will write about whatever it is I want to write about.

Fashion fix was short lived, I know but I am over it. A film a week, although I will continue to fill my life with films I will not share them on the blog, they are my inspiration, what makes me appreciate the painful beauty that is life. So, greedy as hell, films will only rest in my heart. Besides, who am I kidding, I am no film critic. And well, the Saturday music thing… gets a big whatevs… I can’t be bothered with youtube. Besides, I like vimeo better anyway.

So there, choo is my home. Welcome back. xo

choochick is dead?

2009-09-19T11:58:00.003-04:00

Yes, I was thinking of killing choochick. But no, choo is not dead. You know, she was really starting to bore me. But I realized one very big thing. Choo is just as important as the coffee I drink every morning. She is there to remind me of where I am, and where I am headed. She got me into a shit load of trouble through out the years, making mistakes, breaking hearts, careless living. That is the choo. But all in all she is fan-funcking-tastic. She is a big part of my life, and killing her will not in any way make things better. So long live the Choo. Bitch I hate and love you.

where does it all fall?

2009-06-02T09:36:00.003-04:00

So, it is official, I have allowed life to consume my very passion - to write. Life has taken a hold of me as it does most people. Living and taking care of yourself is the single most important thing you can do to improve the quality of your life. So, here I am on a very vigorous path to eat healthy, sweat it out, and take care of the very things that make my life grand. Well, in the process I have buried my passion to the ground. I haven't watched any films, I haven't written in the past three weeks. There you have it, life shaking things up for the better - but really? I once saw a quote/question on the back of some magazine that went something like this...
Is it okay to do the wrong thing for the right reason OR Is it okay to the right thing for the wrong reason?
I was quite young at the time but it was one of those things that just stayed with you. From time to time I would question my actions in that way. Now at thirty two I am living it. So, basically I am doing the wrong thing - not dreaming and living with my characters, not writing their stories to some day share it with the world, god willing, not using that vivid imagination. That is just WRONG but for the right reason, changing my lifestyle to that of a healthier more radiant one. I do indeed feel great but my soul needs some feeding too.

I have to thank Autumn because after a long conversation on the phone last night she woke me up again or shall I say woke up the writer in me. Autumn is fantastic I have to say the first person that is not a direct friend that read my blog and loved it. She is also a talented writer that I admire. I thank god for putting people like that in my life because at times you can go through some really rotten ones and there this one really fabulous one comes along. Only making you appreciate them even more. Well, because of Autumn’s very inspiring words I am going to learn how to balance it all. I understand finding the balance is significantly hard but once found is stays with you forever. So, I am adding the writing every single day of my ever changing life. Because in the long run I know I would not be the same without it.

friday fashion fix

2009-05-22T10:00:00.002-04:00

neon strikes again

revisit neon by choochick featuring Jimmy Choo shoes

Remember the neon trend? It hit nYc hard in the early 90's I was all about it too; neon rubber bracelets, oversized tanks with neon tube tops peaking out on the bottom. Gosh I wish I had a picture to show you. The pic is all in my head. Well as an adult I can't really sport the looks that I was wearing as a barely teen. But what I crave now is neon. There is no better way to do it than the pairing of neutrals with a dash of neon. A perfectly colorful combination, Jenna approved.

a film a week taste so sweet - 020

2009-05-19T10:56:00.006-04:00

Paris, je t'aime - 2006
Directed by
Olivier Assayas (segment "Quartier des Enfants Rouges")
Frédéric Auburtin (segment "Quartier Latin") (transitions)
Emmanuel Benbihy (transitions)
Gurinder Chadha (segment "Quais de Seine")
Sylvain Chomet (segment "Tour Eiffel")
Ethan Coen (segment "Tuileries")
Joel Coen (segment "Tuileries")
Isabel Coixet (segment "Bastille")
Wes Craven (segment "Père-Lachaise")
Alfonso Cuarón (segment "Parc Monceau")
Gérard Depardieu (segment "Quartier Latin")
Christopher Doyle (segment "Porte de Choisy")
Richard LaGravenese (segment "Pigalle")
Vincenzo Natali (segment "Quartier de la Madeleine")
Alexander Payne (segment "14th arrondissement")
Bruno Podalydès (segment "Montmartre")
Walter Salles (segment "Loin du 16ème")
Oliver Schmitz (segment "Place des Fêtes")
Nobuhiro Suwa (segment "Place des Victoires")
Daniela Thomas (segment "Loin du 16ème")
Tom Tykwer (segment "Faubourg Saint-Denis")
Gus Van Sant (segment "Le Marais")

I saw this movie at Sunshine Cinemas with a man that I so loved at the time. I will not mention his name since he is a filmmaker (and googleble). The plan was to go watch Private Property with Isabelle Huppert whom this man loved as an actress. Anyhow, I was the first to arrive to the theater and I noticed we had just missed Private Property by twenty minutes. So when he got there sporting his new haircut I almost didn't recognize him. He decided lets watch Paris I love you or Paris, je t'aime which a film comprised of twenty one shorts all about love in the city of lights. So we watched and it was magical. Some were sad and lonely, some were tragic, and some were full of hope. My favorite segment was the one with Natalie Portman in it. First off I think she is strikingly beautiful I can look at her for days and not get bored. The story was just magical bringing tears to my eyes, and I fought it, believe me. I also loved Alexander Payne's segments, not just because I totally get his humor but he is such a sexy man, he was the guy that bought you Election and About Schmidt. Anyhow, I love Paris too and this film was so sweet. I went to see it again with one of the interns that were working at the hotel I used to work in, She loved it also. The guy and I well, too bad it didn't last as long as I hoped. But he influenced me truly to follow my heart and never doubt my strength.

sometimes I feel like a health freak

2009-05-19T09:54:00.004-04:00

Okay so the word freak should not ever go next to health, right? Anyhow, I have been feeling like the transformation that I decided to undergo should be taken up a major notch. I've always leaned more towards a healthy lifestyle; I can honestly say that I react extremely well to eating and living healthy. I love foods that are unprocessed, just give me good old fresh ingredients since it makes me feel fantastic. So, I have been consumed by this new and improved healthy lifestyle.

I was under the impression that I was so busy, with my nine hour work days, going to the gym after, the beauty routine, laundry, apartment cleaning that I had very little time to cook for myself. I would order out every night and every day for lunch. Rule number one if you want to be healthy - you don't eat out. So as of last week I have been so incredibly passionate about cooking for myself. I don't know what it is about the summer months that I just love cooking. Must be the great selection at the market. Nothing says I love myself like cooking a magical meal with fresh wholesome ingredients. So, I have been pretty busy since I only cook from scratch. So, this particular blog will only feature a film a week and Friday fashion fix for now, I know I suck! I have to take care of myself I need it. I am working on a memoir which I hope will be published someday, and well check out choo chick cooks that will be the new blog that I can truly focus on.

ttfn - ta ta for now.

friday fashion fix

2009-05-14T12:18:00.008-04:00

Rock my socks off!

For those chilly days you always need to add a little attitude. What better way than with these faux buckel high socks.

The cool way to rock holes in your socks. But please make sure you wear heals with them.

80's inspired leg warmers were all the rage. Now we need to step it up with these leather leg warmers. Pull em over little booties and make it look like a vixen's get up.

For those leaning more on the risque style tip do it big with these latex red numbers sure to make fire engines green with envy, as this is a true show stopper.

friday fashion fix

2009-05-08T10:00:00.000-04:00

sheer brilliance - the nude trend

in the nude by choochick featuring Stella McCartney day dresses

Eruca Motorcycle Jacket
29,400 JPY
Stella Mccartney Dress
1,345.00 GBP
Miu Miu Patent Leather Slingbacks
450,00 EUR
Stella Mccartney Double Bow Front Blouse
440,00 EUR
Anthony David Evening Bag with Swarovski Crystal
$439.99
Loeffler Randall Inset Jumper
$320.00
Steve Madden Peraida Heels
$249.95
Flower Pin Anthropologie.com
$18.00
Chloé Perfume Candle
$65.00

a film a week taste so sweet - 019

2009-05-07T15:25:00.002-04:00

coffee and cigarettes - 2001
Jim Jarmusch

When I saw coffee for the first time it was one of those boring summer days and a blockbuster had recently arrived to the becs (where I live) this was a few years back probably 2002. I was browsing the titles with no clue as to what I wanted to spend the afternoon watching. Anyhow, I saw this very interesting dvd cover Jim Jarmusch ( I remembered Mystery Train which I really liked) and was like this is a total go. So, there I was checking out with coffee and cig's I know I must have rented a few others but can't really remember what it was.

I got home and watched - really liked it - so much that I watched it again right away. I have done that with several movies, Goodfellas, Heathers, Cry Baby, just to name a few. I loved the scene with Alfred Molina and Steve Coogan, I also thought Cate Blanchett was brilliant, as she always is, I knew there and then we had a serious actress to look out for. I loved the Bill Murray, GZA and RZA scene I thought that was classic. I truly love this fun film. I want to netflix it so I can watch it this weekend.

privacy policy

2009-05-05T17:09:00.002-04:00

What is it all coming to? Our private life is becoming an extinct privilege. We now have our faces on books – facebook -where we list our friends, our interests and accomplishments or lack thereof. We have twitter updates that allow for the whole twitter world to know how we are feeling and the random thoughts we wish to share. We have internet purchases that track our interests. We have blogs that tell the story we dare to share. We have photos online that can easily be stolen and perhaps sitting on some strangers desktop. We have online dating sites keeping us constantly on the look out for love. We have an online presence digging into our souls all because technology is the biggest brother we know.

a film a week taste so sweet - 018

2009-05-04T12:09:00.006-04:00

Summer of Sam - 1999
Spike Lee

It was official we were shortly goint to say goodbye to 99' and most of the conversations revolved around panic due to the arrival of the new millennium. So it was well in order to release Summer of Sam that summer. If anyone is familiar with the story which got heavy news press during the hot days of 1977 when I was merely a little baby sleeping in a crib. Son of Sam was putting dreadful fear in the hearts of New Yorkers as he killed his way into infamy all because a dog told him to.
It was a blazing hot night in the middle of July and we were hanging out on the block. Our little click of friends and I bored as ever were all set on going to the movies that night - everyone wanted to see American Pie and I was totally down for that too. Until we got to the theater and I saw Summer of Sam on the movie listing board. I had an instant change of heart, and I was like guys I am watching Summer of Sam you guys can watch American Pie. They all then changed their minds and agreed to watch Summer of Sam.
Things started well we even noticed Guru aka GangStarr was sitting a few rows away from us. I couldn’t keep my eyes off the screen - I loved the film, I thought it was brilliant it really gave us a slice of that seventies life in good ol' nYc. I thought Leguizamo's performance was genius. I even developed a crush on Adrian Brody. What is not to love? Spike Lee has a penchant for intertwining the intricacies of race and the ways of the city - through his lens we take in a fresh perspective. One that lends to technique and artistry as any auteur worth this vision. My friends on the other hand were booing, they hated the film. They even said you don't wear the crown anymore your film selections suck. They regretted not seeing American Pie, but I knew that I stood alone, the only kid on the block to have any film sense and taste. I just love any Spike Lee joint.

moody monday rants

2009-05-04T10:18:00.005-04:00

So, I've heard it forever how April showers bring May flowers, but it is now May and the only thing April brought us was more showers. I want to finally take these wellies off and show off the freshly manicured toes - color, status symbol by essie. Days like these I just want to kick back at home watching foreign films all day, sipping on red and enjoying some thin crust pizza. But I had to splash some cold water on my puffy eyes rushed to get ready for work only to make it like twenty minutes late. And now that I am here, I am not really here. I am having my large cup of joe and it is not even kicking in. Another moody Monday!

friday fashion fix

2009-05-01T10:00:00.002-04:00

It's all about the fringe benefits

***Can you tell the original from the fake***

The fringe trend is hot we've seen it everywhere from clothes to bags to shoes. So a few weeks ago when I received the Barney's Co-Op Spring catalogue I went goo-goo over a pair of Alexander Wang fringe booties the model was wearing on the cover. I envisioned what my legs would look like in a pair with an extra short mini - I was SOLD! AGH they are hot like fire, I was feeling the heat because I was dizzy from the desire to have them. But as I mature I learn that it is more important to pay rent babes. So, my short lived want went away with the wind that blew me into a crushing reality. Until I learned that Forever 21 knocked them off baby! The original ones are $575 and the cheap replicas are only $35. How could a girl that until now never did the knock off thing resist? What made it even more official was the sales girl at Barney's confessing that she wanted to get a pair of the F21 version but they didn't have them in her size. She also went on to spill that most of the other sales staff got a pair of the F21 replicas and they were made so well and dead on. I went for it. For the first time ever cop'd a knock-off. Wow how good it felt. I ordered my pair on line and paid like $42 with shipping. I was a tad nervous, but it all ended when I finally got them. I wore them in my apartment with some shorts and they look and feel divine, seriously they were pure comfort, and the best part is I don't have to worry if they get scuffed up, because they were only $35. I am going to have so much fun with them this summer. The best purchase I have made in a while. Little Miss Choo is finally growing up and realizing she doesn't have to sell her soul for overpriced shoes she will probably only wear a few times in her life.

cha-cha-changes

2009-04-29T10:12:00.004-04:00

The blog is taking a new shape. I am playing with ideas on how to keep it updated regularly. You know when I started this it was all up in the air as is just about everything in my life. But lately I have really impressed even dear ol' mom with how diciplined and organized my life is. So, I think it is only fair to the blog and my three readers that I uniform this very blog that started with no direction at all just the mere desire to write it and publish it on the web. So stay tunned for next week the break is over and little miss choo gets to work on new things my dears - little things.

a film a week taste so sweet - 016 & 017

2009-04-28T10:54:00.000-04:00

Harold and Maude - 1971
Hal Ashby

Well this week’s edition is a double whammy - I was a blog slacker last week so I must catch up. Harold and Maude is such a whimsical film. I saw it for the first time about four years ago when I was on a mission to watch about three films a day (never could make it happen) I popped it in the PS2 and loved every single second of it. I fell in love with it even more when I heard all the Cat Stevens' tunes playing in the background. Maude was just so captivating reminding me so firmly how pleasant it was to live, even in the depressed state that I was in at that time. I felt her, I felt this film. I will never get tired of watching it. Oh and Harold, was just so adorable and mischievous playing all those suicide acts I wanted to kiss his forehead and hold his hand at the cemetery. I crushed over Harold for a minute.

J'ai pas sommeil - I can't Sleep
Claire Denis - 1994

First off, Claire Denis is a magnetic woman. When I read an interview of her and learned that she started making films in her mid forties I was like - wow woman after my own heart. She simply got into film after a love of photography and started doing what she was meant for. I felt particularly close to her at that point and when I saw her films I felt she was setting the pace for art films. To watch a poignant film that doesn't offer up much dialogue instead it awakens your senses with images that capture the human condition in a light unfamiliar to you is when you know you have just experienced a high degree of art. Denis in all her films has captivated me. I particularly loved this film "I can't sleep" there was so much life going on all the while the deaths being executed by the granny serial killer was taking form. Based on an actual murder case - of twenty elder women - made famous in France in the 80's. The films theme may have been revolving around that but it was the beauty of all the life around the main subject that really captured the essence of Denis' stylistic filming quality. She is brilliant and deeply loved by me.

the show must go on

2009-04-23T17:45:00.003-04:00

sometimes you just need a break! That is exactly what choo is doing! More blog entries next week. :-P This is what happens when I put my face on a book.

a film a week taste so sweet - 015

2009-04-14T21:36:00.008-04:00

Pretty Woman - 1990
Garry Marshall

This week's film choice is devoted to Great Transformation as is the theme of the week for me. I have been wanting to post an entry in respect to the subject on hand because although it may not feel like spring, it is indeed yet another season. One that is indicative of great change. I was up Sunday night and insomnia paid me a little visit, as I switch the channels there it was, Pretty Woman, a film I have seen plenty of times but whenever it is on and I have time to spare I will find myself watching it again. It is just the perfect fairy tale. We all want the tide to change especially when life can be so fucked up. Well, in this story it changes for her and we know she wasn't a dirt bag of a person - she had a good heart and true sentiments - she was just in a fucked up place as many of may find ourselves. I know what some may say that thanks to a man she went from street walker to an opera watching lady - it's always about a man or it is never possible without a man - but, really how wonderful it is to not only find love, but actually be rewarded with the gift of a new life. Because in the end as painful as it may be we all want to fall in love and even change our lives. Shit, I know I do! I love this picture, it tells me that sometimes it's okay to dream and in this world anything is possible.

saturday video music blog

2009-04-11T18:05:00.001-04:00

Mala Rodriguez - Por la Noche

no lazy - do it and do it now

2009-04-07T17:04:00.007-04:00

I will confess that I hate reviewing films. Essentially that is what drew me away from posting anything in respect to the films I’ve watched and feel are worth your time to watch. Today I felt like divulging and perhaps even a bit inspired and thought it was appropriate to attach a little note under the Long Goodbye.

I missed this movie when it showed for like three weeks at Film Forum, it was right around the time that I started writing my screenplay and this filmmaker that I was seeing told me it was a must and a crucial part of my film education. I missed it of course, procrastinator that I am at times. But it was like a year or so later that it was showing at Film Forum again on one of their double feature nights, so it was one night only. Determined as ever I made it, and enjoyed it despite the little imperfections.

So, now I feel obligated to go back and post a note under all the films I have posted as part of the film a week series. It's only right. Because watching an abundant amount of films has really worked wonders for my life. And that's a fact jack... so feel free to click on Tuesday film (under LABELS) and you can then catch up with the notes I will be posting under all the films - because a film a week indeed taste so darn sweet.

a film a week taste so sweet - 014

2009-04-07T16:23:00.003-04:00

The Long Goodbye
Robert Altman - 1973

***moving forward I will add a note to a film a week series***

I thought Elliott Gould was so hot in this picture. I had the ultimate crush that lasted about ten minutes. I also saw this at Film Forum on one of their double feature nights and Jim Bouton was actually there for a Q&A. I stood on line and a conversation struck with this very old man whom was a darling. I remember people leaving the line because there were talks about it being sold out, but I knew it was a total must to see it on the big screen and I stayed there till they told me there were just a few more seats left. I made it in and I had to sit way in the back, I was so unhappy with the seat because I am a first five rows kind of gal when viewing films - but I was ready to enjoy it anyway. Then all I could smell was the worst body odor ever, I left with a head ache but it was an incredibly great picture that I have been meaning to see on the big screen again.

blog-worthy bozos

2009-04-07T10:18:00.012-04:00

I celebrated by birth this weekend. It was a fabulous eventful weekend that left me fulfilled until the next weekend of playful fun. Anyhow, I was out with my friend Jeanie and let me tell you about the single pathetic (perhaps that was a bit harsh) men we encountered - all I kept saying to her was "blog worthy". Not only was it funny there was this layer of poor sadness that they carried out in those attempts to pick up a girl. All I kept thinking was what about all the single women in that age group and how most people make them out to be this insanely sad case that no one wants to touch. But what about these men?

So, the night started at Tao (this place has been opened forever and it is still jamming but in a total cheese way) but we went for the free food/drinks; what struggling girl would refuse that? Anyhow, our former colleague MB bartends there and Jeanie and I got the perfect corner seats at the bar. It was drinks and sushi. We were enjoying ourselves, things were mellow. We could indeed live without the techno music that played in the background.

MB couldn't stop laughing at my facial expression as this middle aged bald slim man in all black - suit, shirt and tie approached our area. I gave him the old up and down glance, honestly if I were to blindly guess - I would say he was a staff member. He pulls out his platinum Amex and orders a rum and coke and yells "yeah start a tab - keep it open". Oh boy why ever did we start talking to him? He ended up confessing that he was Greek, moved out of his parents house ten years ago at thirty five and has never been married - just not for him since he also didn't fail to mention that he was an explorer, a fisherman, that goes out to all the clubs on twenty eighth street. He was so happy to learn that Jeanie was also Greek and he insisted in buying her a drink, she refused continuously. He then asks us where we were off to after Tao; Jeanie - got to love her for this - tells him I am taking my friend to Paris for her birthday. He then inquires what's Paris a club. No, Paris in France she tells him. I go with it, being entertained to death by this exchange of foolish talk.

He then tells us, "Yeah, I'm going to Bruno's after this - real classy place". Jeanie slightly snobby as she can be was like - Bruno's? Ah NO, too sticky" That must of send him over the roof because he started laughing and was like "sticky... yeah I know what you mean" I on the other hand was confused, sticky? He then says "you know I get around, if I know what sticky means". After learning that it's a term used when men tend to be clingy around strange women in a bar/lounge type setting - I don't know if he should have expressed his excitement for identifying with that term, but hey... that's a single forty five year old New York male for ya, dressed entirely in black and carrying a platinum Amex. He was quite boisterous and Jeanie turns around and tells him in her very determined no BS way - "word of advise, you don't have to yell, tone it down please" - He refuses to lower his voice and tells us proudly that he can't help it he gets excited.

Minutes later as our previous gent realized he was barking up the wrong tree he moved on to more promising prospects. We then have Barry come over a tall heavy set man truthfully in his mid fifties with glasses a tacky suit and enough white hair to make you feel like you were sharing a drink with your grandfather. Barry wasn't as loud and annoying as the previous one but Barry was a clinger - going to the extend of putting his arms around me and slapping on a big kiss on my forehead - YUCK! I then told him "ah you don't have to get so close" and he was like "but it's your birthday, anything is possible" I knew then he wasn't one of those you let down easily so I crushed his slimy hope and said "yes but not with you". Goodbye Barry - Goodbye.

Jeanie and I could not believe that it was a middle aged meet market - where the men wore their desperation like superman's S across the chest. The last guy to approach got all up in my face to the point where we were fighting for air to breath. Agh - Jeanie came to the rescue telling him that I was her girl and he walked away after telling us, oh good for you. Yes, good for us that we don’t have to lower our standards for a cocktail. We send all these men packing with a mean punch to the torso area. They probably labeled us as snobs, uptight single girls or even men hating lesbians. But underneath the tough girl knows what she wants blanket we know that it surely isn’t desparete season this spring.

saturday video music blog

2009-04-04T10:19:00.000-04:00

Aimee Mann - Wise Up

who are the readers of the blog

2009-04-01T22:34:00.005-04:00

I have been feeling quite tired these days. I was high and mighty on life's good energy only to have it bring me down with a sluggish feeling. Now I feel like I am pushing to try to stay ahead. I will be fine, I know I will. When I got home tonight I started to write. I have this idea of seriously putting down on paper the experiences I've had because believe me the birth of Choo was a sick one, like the birth of the anti-christ, and the things that followed after, although worth telling, fills me with shame just thinking about it. So much shame that I am even contemplating actually using a pseudonym if I am to ever try and get it published.
So after writing a bit I decided to find one of my many notebooks and actually pen it on paper. I grabbed this old journal I had and there it was writings starting from March of 2000 until August of 2002 - after catching up and reading my sporadic entries I started to piece thing together. Choo Chick came into the scene in late 2001 and took shape in 2002-2003 the mistakes I made during those times changed my life completely and it was all one big blurry mess that I have been trying to forget ever since. but tonight I wrote a recap of the things that unraveled after 2002 until now. And let me tell you how dynamite it felt. I feel so fan-fucking-tastic that I have it.
My life is one great story that should be told even if I am the only one reading it. I want to do a memoir or a novel depends on how I feel once it is all out. There is a lot to tell, there are things people don't know about me, and I am sure if they ever find out, they will probably expire our friendship. So, I will write - write it all and hope that someday it becomes something. Even if it is something for me to look back on when I need it most.

who said bibs are for babies

2009-03-31T12:19:00.006-04:00

This seasons staple piece is a bib necklace. Yes, ladies dress it up or dress it down. Take your pick a bib necklace to make any girl trend happy.

Forever21 - $14

Banana Republic - $69

Nordstrom - $88

J Crew - $150

a film a week taste so sweet - 013

2009-03-31T10:00:00.001-04:00

Masculine Feminine
Jean Luc Godard - 1966

spring cleaning in session

2009-03-30T13:14:00.010-04:00

That's just how it goes sometimes - doesn't it? Life tricky little thing it is takes you by surprise and all that. But in the long run if you are going to be around you must always protect yourself. Right? That is why I let go - let go of something that I knew deep down doesn't benefit my life. Passing time is cool you know when you are twelve, but a week away from being thirty two it so isn't - so goodbye cool kid with the nice smile. I only liked you for all the wrong reasons - so goodbye to you for all the right reasons.

It was a chill Sunday and I woke up next to him feeling empty as ever because I was getting so tired of it all. Cool as hell he may be but a liar I can't stand. I knew he had lied about not getting my texts, and when I called him that Saturday afternoon he gets back to me twelve hours later - I mean, really? Not going to happen, I don't care how cool you are. That is the thing about me, when I know something is not right I just can't continue with it, not even for the sake of loneliness. I actually like my alone time way too much. Anyhow, he was like hurry get ready let's get something to eat, and I answered with a bland "sure".

While applying my Rebel tinted moisturizer by Benefit, I was like you know this is it. O-V-E-R - I walked over to him right after applying my face, because this is something that simply couldn't be done without some mascara and lip gloss on. I sat next to him, told him to turn the hip hop off and blurted out - I don't think we should see each other anymore. His eyes widened a bit and he said, okay fine, it's your decision. He immediately got up and put his jacket on and I was like you don't have to leave so abruptly - he said, actually I do.

Then he asked, what made you suddenly decided this? I replied that I felt this was going nowhere and it would be the best for the both of us. He said, to each it's own - then said see ya! He seemed upset, he started to walk out the door then turned around and held my face and kissed me one last time. Which I thought was kind of sweet. Later cool kid, try not to spend too much money on sneakers.

saturday video music blog

2009-03-28T18:15:00.001-04:00

THE MOTELS - TOTAL CONTROL
LIVE VERSION

I searched high and low for an actual music video for this song but to no avail. I know the Motels were known for having some great vids but hey.. guess we'll all have to settle for this live version which all in all is pretty sweet.

for a boyfriend less girl...

2009-03-25T12:00:00.003-04:00

This season I want to borrow it all from the boys. The slouchy comfortable boyfriend look has truly won my heart. I have never been one to rock revealing tight looks, so naturally I would gravitate to this very hot new trend embraced by A-listers.

I already dropped it like it was hot on a Theory blazer last weekend at Bloomie's. I figured this will be the focal piece for most of my ensembles. It can be worn with everything from v neck boyfriend t's to dresses to tanks and skirts. LOVE IT.

Ah the ever so challenging boyfriend Jean - this is one look I was sporting years ago. I remember in like my early twenties I had these slightly baggie gap jeans in a distressed wash that I loved because of the comfort. One night out I put together a look I will never forget. The slouchy jeans rolled up with a stripped halter top and a navy blazer that was also slightly loose and I topped it off with these dark brown Jimmy Choo strappy heels - The boyfriend look indeed way before the craze! I think I still have those jeans - but it was while searching for a new and improved version that I came across these from J Crew. Love 'em and they are on the list.

Nothing says I comfort you like this tri-blend loose fitting v neck t from American Apparel. I own several colors and love the feel and fit.

I was sold on the banker shirt the minute I saw this girl wearing an oversized version with some tights. It looked wonderful very soft and comfortable. I recently purchased an actual men's banker shirt from J Crew in a size small - it was so loose I can wear it as a dress with a cute skinny belt of course and maybe some flats or gladiator sandals. I can even do it with tights or shorts paired with some classic chuck tailors.

The looks aren't complete without some very fab accessories. The chunky gold masculine watch is one I have wanted since last year. I think this is it. It is so about time I went for it. I like this model by Toy Watch - it does the job but I am willing to bet that I can score one much cheaper at swatch.

This little number by Carrera is hot like fire. I have been eyeing these shades for a minute now - so on the list.

Well kiddies there you have it. The boyfriend look for a boyfriend less girl so easy to attain. Don't even think for a minute that these pieces won't be staples. The great thing about the BF look is that you can take these pieces and give them a whole new twist. I will be wearing these for years to come.

sporting heavy hardware till the end of '09

2009-03-24T11:41:00.009-04:00

**I am giving you a peace sign - not the finger**

Having to go the extra mile and actually going through with orthodontia this far into the game was a major step for me. Yes at thirty one I went for it. My teeth needed it in a bad way. I had this tooth that overlapped with the other on the very front top - not attractive. Once the wisdom tooth was removed on the top they really started shifting into a disgusting crowded mess - and I became so self conscience of the smile I gave the world that I barely gave it.

So, I listened to good ol' mom and went in and got full on metal on my teeth. Those first months with the braces I tried so hard to not open my mouth, while I ate in public I would subconsciously cover my mouth with my hand and it was a pain. Don’t even get me started on the work you have to put in, the flossing and brushing takes a good ten to fifteen minutes. Agh! The only one thing I loved was the fact that it instantly gave me a youthful appearance - as if I didn't look young already. But there I was a thirty year old with a brace face.

To my surprise there were people that were into it. It didn't prevent the invitation of dates on the contrary there were males making it a point for me to know that the braces were "oh so cute". So I went with this newfound appeal, rocked it till I grew affectionate and proud of it. Now I can’t help but obsess over teeth – it is indeed the first thing I look at when I meet someone. Does that make me a teeth snob? Hah Anyhow, the braces feel like an 80’s throwback. Then it all changed - Choo gets lazy sometimes.

My negligence has taken over and I've been a bad bad girl when it comes to my killer smile. I missed my last three appointments and so when I finally made it in this past Saturday the doctor was not happy. He was like what happened to you Miss? Anyhow, needless to say he put on some serious wires and rubber bands on my fragile little teeth. The pain started instantly - oh the pressure.

Three days in and it still hurts. I couldn't even chew my favorite cole slaw last night. The most enjoyable thing in life - food - I can't fully indulge in. Worst of all, when I inquired on how long these little puppies will stay on, the doctor was like well, till the end of the year. I expressed my disappointment and he was like well, had you been diligent with your appearances we wouldn't have this conversation. Yeah, I am not about to start dwelling on the past now that I have been keeping such a keen eye on the future. So, I will make my appointments from now on and well, be there or be square - no more slacking. But I can't help and think how the braces could have been off by the summer... how I have to continue to walk around with my Ugly Betty smile. Oh well, que sera, sera what ever will be will be.

a film a week taste so sweet - 012

2009-03-24T11:34:00.002-04:00

Phantom Love - 2007
Nina Menkes

I saw the New York premier at MoMa (museun of modern art) and I tell you that after sitting there for fifteen minutes watching the picture in black and white with no to little dialogue I was about to be the fourth person to walk out - but I am no quitter when it comes to film watching so I stuck it out specially since Nina Menkes was there with the lead actor for a Q&A. I am so glad I did, because I was so inspired a woman doing her vision, her way. It was beautiful and I left fulfilled.

saturday video music blog

2009-03-21T14:07:00.000-04:00

Lily Allen - The Fear

caution HIGH on life

2009-03-18T16:39:00.006-04:00

I realized that if you change your thoughts your life has no choice but to follow.

I know... I haven't really been writing on the blog lately. I have to say that things are so great it is starting to scare me. Okay, so without giving it much thought I just started doing the things that I know I should be doing and just like that everything is perfectly falling into place. I have been eating really well; complex carbs, veggies and protein. This healthy eating has been an ongoing process, I start it out and never really get to the point where I am now. I see processed foods or junk and feel disgusted - I just don't want it. Amazing. I am sure that has a lot to do with my current high on life state.

Work is even going well, I don't feel like staying home lazy as ever, I actually wake up on time and look forward to it. Believe me I am not in love with my job, just grateful to be working during these dire financial times. I am starting to realize that the glass is half full - it's all relative. Isn't it?

The boy and I are swell, I like him so much and his actions have proven the feeling is mutual. I am not even going to sit here and look for something to make me feel like things aren't right. They are so perfect. What can I say? When things go well there is very little to tell - which makes it for boring writing. In any case I am even excited to get the apartment in order. I did some spring shopping and am gearing up for the fabulous Spring/Summer that I know I am going to have.

I thank myself for not regretting the things that I am not getting done. Like the gym, I haven't really been to the gym lately - but that is okay, because next week is full of possibilities and I will make it happen when the time is right. My body however never looked so good. I have slimmed down by eating well - so the gym is on the list. Making things happen one day at a time without getting overwhelmed is a feeling I want to have always. But understand that in life things aren't always one way.

a film a week taste so sweet - 011

2009-03-17T10:29:00.004-04:00

Cries and Whispers - 1972
Igmar Bergman

saturday video music blog

2009-03-14T09:34:00.000-04:00

Kid Cudi - Day And Night

remodeling and fung shui episodes

2009-03-11T11:43:00.004-04:00

So, my apartment in the four years that I have been living in it never got any real attention. That is because when you are carried away by glittery accessories and fast living you tend to spend your pennies in the wrong places. That is why this year I am finally giving the home front the attention it really needs and deserves. It is only right! Becoming an adult is more about doing the right thing than doing what you please.

This is what has to happen the living room, bedroom and bathroom need to be redone. Quite a hefty expense! How is the choo going to handle not spending money on the things she loves and on the things she actually needs? That my darlings is a working progress but feasible none the least. So, the focal point right now is apartment makeover. This will be the theme for the subsequent blog entries. Stay tuned for I am taking on the huge project all by my lonesome, well with the help of one of my brothers if he ever gives in. I'm going to be like one of those DIY girls doing it on the cheap without compromising style and quality. Damn, getting stressed now!

a film a week taste so sweet - 010

2009-03-10T10:00:00.002-04:00

The Lives of Others - 2006
Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck

saturday video music blog

2009-03-07T13:25:00.000-05:00

Feist - Inside and out

they still say mom knows best

2009-03-06T14:49:00.010-05:00

After an extensive phone conversation with my dear mother I was left questioning the very being that I am. Seems like the hot topic of every conversation we share is discussing the possibilities of why I am still single. I tell you if my mom didn't mention it so much, I wouldn't have noticed. I even feel that due to her constant drilling of the subject I am filled with this empty desire that every subsequent partner entering my life could be the one. I never thought like this before. Has my mother conditioned the way I think about relationships? How could I ever forgive her?

During the discussion she unloads how temperamental and demanding I can be, and that I am one firecracker that no one will ever have the patience to put up with. She went on and on and said I can understand if you were Paris Hilton or something then I guess you have every right to be demanding. But you are not; you are just a single girl on the verge of dying alone. How does one counteract mother's harsh words that sometimes even cut through glass - this is the same woman whom also devoted her life to her marriage and is now alone. I love how parents think that they have all the answers.

Anyhow, I was feeling unsettled after this conversation and went on to mentally dissect every meaningful relationship that has left me just a bit hopeless. This made me think of the time I had slept over my ex-boyfriend's house the following morning I was bubbly as ever and he looked over at me and was like "you are too high strung, it will never work". Crushing as ever were those words, I took a gulp of my coffee holding back the instant tears that wanted to flood his floor. Those are the same words that serve as a constant reminder that flags over my head when diving into a new relationship. Not only can it be quite crippling to have such inequality hanging over you as if it were a mighty flaw. It is just not a promising way to begin a fresh new love thing. I don't know. Mom you have me thinking, that perhaps there were times I was wrong.

Wrong in the sense that I need to take it easy. and not try and control everything around me. Feelings are free flowing and they should be left to manifest as they should. Instead I feel something and I try and analyze it to the point where it grows into something else. That is where I have steered in the wrong direction. Now I can't help but bring this current boy crush to the surface so that I can better understand that it was my neurotic behavior that made him pull away. In an attempt to repair things I sent him a nice text message and although I know things aren’t back to how they were the night I felt so satisfied eating dinner next to him, I know that we are friends and the future looks mighty hopeful.

So, mom may be right about my uncontrollable women moments that have people second guessing me. She truly knows me as I am, and I can only be me. This far into the game the one thing I am certain I will never learn is to not be myself. Furthermore, there will come the day that someone as equally as special to me finds all those things that someone else considered flaws to be the main attraction. And until then as I continuously tell mom, I will not settle.

a film a week taste so sweet - 009

2009-03-03T10:00:00.000-05:00

Chop Shop - 2007
Ramin Bahrani

snow to wash away the mopes

2009-03-02T10:19:00.009-05:00

Monday mornings are so uninviting. I wanted nothing more than to stay in bed sleeping till my body felt light enough to get up. Instead I woke up so late, I only had ten minutes to get ready and leave for work if I was to make in on time. Instead I took my time, got ready and decided I would blame my lateness on the crap weather that was shoved on us this fine Monday morning. I finally made it in to work just under thirty minutes late.

This day is highly representative of my feelings for the boy I was seeing. What started with such high fever is now tepid. His actions are proving that the feeling is mutual, which makes things really easy. I really hate the disappointing feeling that fills my stomach after feeling so high way back when - it wasn't even that long ago. I, my darlings, was crushing hard for him, and then got all anxious and out of whack having to deal with the uncertainties, and now I feel like it all came to a slippery halt.

I am feeling a little empty, it is only natural right? Wondering even, how many guys am I going to have to meet, date, until I find the one that fits into my life the best. And do I even want all that anyway? I feel that the whole marriage arrangement is like a business deal with heavy implications of failure. I don't know, the more I live, the more I see, it almost feels unnatural to involve a free spirit like myself to the restraining ways of monogamy. That doesn't go without saying that I can always invite romance in, even if it is for a brief moment.

It’s a hard life but someone has to live it! Sometimes alone.

day twenty eight - twenty-eight days of LOVE

2009-02-28T11:00:00.000-05:00

love thyself

It all comes together - one full circle. For it is myself that I love truly. As far back as I can remember while doodling I would always write Claudia hearts Herself. I guess for not taking it to the extent of the cheese factor and write Claudia hearts "name of current boy crush" it seemed more natural to heart myself - during the junior high and high school days my binders and folders were full of those doodles little hearts me proclaiming to love myself over and over. I still do it, not as much as I did in those days, but still when boredom reaches the tip of my fingers and my mind goes to la la land, I find myself writing - claudia hearts herself always and forever. Perhaps that is just my subconscious telling it like it is. For the most part I feel a little bit of shame and even embarrassment when someone would catch on to what I was doing, partly because it seemed terribly self indulgent and even a bit selfish to continuously throughout the years just keep reminding yourself how much you love yourself.

Now as an adult with all the life experiences resting on my spine, and feeling quite heavy may I add, I understand that there is absolutely nothing wrong with loving yourself - in fact it is encouraged and even a must to remind yourself daily just how much love you have for numero uno. After watching one of my favorite Kurosawa films Rashomon a light shines deeply in the path of self awareness. There is one particular quote that will never escape my mind that is something to the effect of, selfish being essential to survival. A human must be selfish in order to survive in the world. That stuck with me, because I immediately referenced it to the "claudia hearts herself". I even gave it further thought and came to the conclusion that it is one of the most honest and purest things I have ever heard. Coming to terms with this discovery has been extremely difficult because I am one that cares way too much about what other people are thinking and I would hate to come across as selfish, and believe me there are times I feel I am not selfish enough to survive the tough world we live in.

I am indeed in love with life as much as I am with myself. While I live out every single day I try and find the balance, adding a little of this and a little of that when the situation requires it. Now, there is another quote from the film that I will share to deepen the confusion and give it life's realistic element - "It's human to lie. Most of the time we can't even be honest with ourselves". Perhaps subconsciously I love myself enough to be considered selfish only it is hard to admit and therefore lie to myself about it. Who knows? I can give this thought a thousand circles and not come up with the answer. But hey, there you have it, love yourself and the answers will someday come perfectly packaged in the form of a film, a book, a poem, a quote, or even a hug. I love life, myself, you, and will try not to lie about it.

saturday video music blog

2009-02-28T10:52:00.000-05:00

M.I.A. - Paper Planes

day twenty seven - twenty-eight days of LOVE

2009-02-27T09:00:00.000-05:00

This is for sure one of my favorite movies. Heathers is the only movie I can watch, and till this day know it word for word. Cry Baby came close but nothing like Heathers.
I was in my early teens when I saw it for the first time and high school hadn't officially begun for me. Growing up urban meant I didn't go to one of those spacious high schools with shiny lockers in the hallways, a large running track/football field, you know the kind the suburban kids have the pleasure of having. No, my dears not I, the only lockers we used were the ones to store our clothes during gym class. As far as a running track football field, well that was nonexistent; we had wrestling, volleyball and basketball, indoors. You can imagine my surprise arriving to high school and learning that it was nothing like in Heathers. The most popular girls in my high school wore baggy jeans and door knocker earrings. They didn't play croquet or sneak into frat parties or battle suicide instead they cut class, drank 40's, got into fights and lost their virginities at hookie jams. I was an innocent flower child amid the madness, and even a bit resentful that I wasn't living out the perfect images in my head that I had associated with high school. Perhaps that is why I continuously watched Heathers, to get closer to that idea of what my high school days should have been like.

Letting go is hard at times

2009-02-26T11:39:00.003-05:00

Two official days of love left and I am feeling a bit sad. Twenty eight days of love, like everything else, started growing on me. Now I have to say goodbye, I will admit that it started as an idea, I had no clue as to how it will go, I thought of the things I will post the day of, sometimes on Monday's I was just playing catch up - because I totally neglected the blog on the weekends - as you have noticed. In the end though it feels like a mere writing exercise that has allowed some of the things that I have always loved to resurface. Like my love for Sassy magazine, graffiti, that song by Leonard Cohen, the badass boy that stole my heart only to give it back a little bruised. The things I love make me the person I am. Proud I am of being the sometimes dysfunctional, ultra sensitive, a little tough, a great big lover, totally together, maybe even a little childish, person that I am. I will miss you twenty eight days of love, I really will. LOVE will live on and take form because in my life all I know to do is LOVE.

day twenty six - twenty-eight days of LOVE

2009-02-26T09:54:00.010-05:00

Balancing life is no easy task! It's a hard life but someone has to live it.

I really love getting the job done! I do have those days when all I do is procrastinate, and sometimes those days turn into full fledged week even months. I try to avoid it from getting out of hand but sometimes the lazy bug gets comfortable and I can't even fight it. Lately I have been keeping the lazy procrastinator that I sometimes turn into at bay. I only let her come out on Sundays - but lately not even then. I feel my very best when I am on top of my shit, when I get to gym, eat well, work hard, do my chores, ya know the humanly things that we have to do in order to successfully survive in this world. No other feeling comes close to the way I feel when I simply get the job done! I love being a functional active person on most days. But when I burn a fuse I simply kick back and do nothing - not for too long though because then I just feel awful!

day twenty five - twenty-eight days of LOVE

2009-02-25T12:11:00.005-05:00

All you have to do is read this week's story from the Sunday Times, Modern Love column in order to understand why it is my favorite part of the Sunday paper. It is the first thing I read when I get the weekend edition. The stories I've read all revolve around the different types of love that touch us humans, parental love, romantic love, platonic love, simply love - they are all told so beautifully that it really reaches into my heart. I can't tell you that there was one story that I didn't like. So enjoy this beautiful tale of LOVE.

My Back-Seat View of a Great Romance
By RACHEL MONROE
Published: February 21, 2009

MY plan was to go to Morocco to escape romance, not learn a lesson in it. I had been awarded a prestigious research grant, and the yearlong stint an ocean away seemed the perfect excuse to finally break up with my sort-of boyfriend.

Though we lived on opposite coasts, this boyfriend-type person and I had been together for more than two years, and I’d been fighting it the whole time.

Being a girlfriend seemed so old-fashioned, and besides, it made me behave in ways I disapproved of. I needed him in my life and resented that fact. In my early 20s, wasn’t I supposed to be careless and uncommitted?

With the trip looming, we decided (at my urging) to break up for real this time. I thought I would feel liberated; instead, I spent my days mooning around the house, crying or baking to distract myself from crying. I forced myself to remember that this was exactly what I wanted. After all, love was so flimsy when held up against virtues like independence and freedom. So why did it feel like a vestigial arm, something fused onto me that I couldn’t get rid of no matter how hard I tried?

In the end the break-up didn’t stick, and we left things ambiguous. My first night in Morocco, I lay in a narrow hotel bed and listened to the rush of sounds outside. Even the traffic noise sounded fresh and thrilling. I envisioned days spent exploring markets and conducting research, deliciously independent.

Instead, I became addicted to cynical bearded Peace Corps volunteers, none of whom stuck around for more than a week or two. At night when loneliness enveloped me, I would Skype the un-boyfriend. I was never good at figuring out the time difference, but he answered all my calls, even at 5 a.m.

As a distraction, I threw myself into my research. I had come to Morocco to study first-generation literacy in teenage girls, and a contact suggested I begin work in Amizmiz, a small town at the foot of the Atlas Mountains, not far from my home base in Marrakesh. The family I stayed with was poor even by the standards of that rural town. Still, they were amazingly welcoming. Fatima-Zohra at 20 was the oldest daughter, and she soon adopted me as her special charge.

After a tour of the town, Fatima-Zohra took me to her favorite spot, a hill dotted with scrappy goats and glum-looking cows. We talked about school, cooking, hairstyles and Jackie Chan (she was a big fan). After a lull in the conversation, she looked up at me shyly. I had a feeling I knew what was coming.

“Are you in love?” she asked, the last two words in English. (She preferred English for most love words — she had clearly been studying all those romantic comedies I’d studiously avoided.)

I tried to convey my standard answer (“Well, I don’t know, probably not, I mean, what is love, really?”) in the awkward mix of French and Arabic that was our means of communication. At the time, I thought it was my butchered language that disappointed her; now I wonder if she understood me, and it was my dithering that left her cold.

“What about you?” I asked, not expecting much of an answer. As far as I could tell, she was a shy girl who rarely left the house, and the relatively strict gender segregation meant that Amizmiz was hardly a hotbed of teenage romance.

“I have a friend,” she said, and from the way she said it (blushing wildly, unable to look me in the eye), it was clear that she was far more certain about this friend than I was about my boyfriend-type person.

Over the next day or two, she told me all about him. Jawad drove a grand taxi, which meant he traveled a fixed route between Amizmiz and a tinier town 20 kilometers away. Fatima-Zohra had run literacy classes in that town and had come to know Jawad during her weekly commute. Moroccan grand taxis typically squish six passengers plus a driver into a regular-size sedan, so they never had much privacy. Somehow, though, they had come to an understanding. And no, her parents didn’t know; they would never approve.

She asked if I would help her see him, and of course I agreed. I was all for the drama of an illicit rendezvous, especially when it wasn’t mine.

That evening, according to the plan concocted by Fatima-Zohra and her sister Amel, I insisted that Fatima-Zohra escort me to the town’s ramshackle Internet cafe so I could check my e-mail. It sounded a little far-fetched, but apparently the idea of an Internet-addicted American was believable enough to buy us an hour or two of unsupervised time. We immediately headed for an isolated road where Jawad knew to meet us.

When he finally arrived in his battered white taxi, the sun had begun to set. He leaned his head out the window and waved wildly; he had impish eyebrows and a grin just as big as Fatima-Zohra’s, if not bigger. I decided I approved of the match.

I climbed into the back seat, and we sped off. Before long, Jawad turned onto a dirt path and parked in the middle of a field dotted with wildflowers. I was wondering whether we’d be going on a walk in the woods when, without further ado, the canoodling commenced in the front seat. My assumptions about Fatima-Zohra’s sheltered life had been way off. That morning I never would have predicted that my demure, hijab-wearing friend would sneak away to make out in her boyfriend’s car.

Curled up in the back seat, I pretended to be interested in the scenery. But years of living in a tiny house with no doors must have inured Fatima-Zohra against embarrassment; she giggled and snuggled in the front as if I weren’t there at all. I eventually relaxed and allowed myself to snoop. They were cute, absurdly so: Jawad seemed like a tender type, a forehead-kisser, a cheek-caresser.

It kept going. She tickled him. They brought their heads together and whispered romantic things. Lovelorn Lebanese pop singers moaned on the radio, and outside the evening flickered with fireflies. It was way too adorable to be true, but here it was, happening before my eyes.

After about a half-hour of PG-rated nuzzling, it was time to head back. The brief visit made Fatima-Zohra giddy for the rest of the weekend, and I was pleased to have played a role.

As our Internet cafe ploy became routine over several months, I found myself in the strange position of being not just a chaperone but a secret advocate for romance. I kept waiting to be soured by all the longing and adoration, but this love stuff was increasingly addictive. My visits to Amizmiz became something to look forward to, and I was happy to obsess over each delicious nuance with Fatima-Zohra and her sister. The best were the taxicab evenings, dates I could attend but didn’t have to participate in.

Despite my newfound begrudging appreciation of love, things with the un-boyfriend were as prickly as ever. I didn’t want to lose my most loyal caller, my secret-keeper, my funny friend. But I didn’t want to be with him, either. So I vacillated; I was unfair, said cruel things, then called him crying when the next wave of loneliness hit.

Things seemed to be going well in Amizmiz until one day in April when a man at a cafe spotted Fatima-Zohra and Jawad looking cozy and reported them to her father. Though generally an easygoing man, he blew up at the news. When Fatima-Zohra claimed she wanted to marry Jawad, he insisted that it was impossible — she was too beautiful to be married off to such a poor man. She needed someone who would provide a better life for her and her family.

“You can’t feed yourself with love!” he shouted.

“But you can’t buy love!” she shouted back.

After that, she was under virtual house arrest. Worse, she didn’t see or speak with Jawad for two weeks and was afraid he would forget her. I worried that someone would notice my sudden lack of interest in the Internet cafe, but the family was too listless to care.

THE situation was resolved in a spectacular manner. On a day when Fatima-Zohra’s father had traveled to Marrakesh for work, Amel had a seizure. There was no money in the house and no way to take her to a doctor. Panicked, Fatima-Zohra called Jawad, who swooped to the rescue, delivering the family to the hospital and even spending his own meager salary on the necessary medications.

His white-knight act immediately endeared Jawad to the family, and Fatima-Zohra’s father agreed to their engagement. If I had seen it in a movie, I would have scoffed at its implausibility; hearing it recounted by Fatima-Zohra, I cried.

After that, things changed. Fatima-Zohra was busy planning her engagement party. She developed a swift and exclusive friendship with Jawad’s sister, and now it was usually the two of them conferring in a corner about womanly things.

I spent most of my time back in Marrakesh, lonely in a different way than I had been at my arrival eight months before. At least I had overcome my ambivalence to the clichés of love, but what did it mean that the most romantic thing I’d ever been a part of hadn’t even happened to me? Ordinarily, I would have called the un-boyfriend so he could talk me through it, but somehow I knew I would have to handle this alone.

For weeks, I turned the problem over in my head before admitting what had to be done. Dialing the un-boyfriend’s number, I held the image of Fatima-Zohra and Jawad beaming at each other in the taxi, wholeheartedly sure of each other. When I told the un-boyfriend we needed to end things, he became very quiet. Something in my voice must have told him it was real this time.

In a way, it was my own version of the grand romantic gesture, the best way I knew to honor love. There was still something between us — friendship, inside jokes, a closeness born of many crises suffered together — but whatever we had, it was unfair to love to call it love.

Rachel Monroe is a graduate student at Johns Hopkins University.

a film a week taste so sweet - 008

2009-02-24T10:00:00.001-05:00

La Battaglia di Algeri - 1966
Gillo Pontecorvo